Welcome to Minding My Mindset

Hi loves. I'm SO glad you're here.

If you've found your way to this blog, I'm going to guess a few things about you. You're probably someone who has your life fairly together - a career or business you've worked hard for, good friendships, a life that looks, from the outside, like you've got it alllll figured out.

And somewhere in the middle of all that wonderful capability, love is the thing that trips you up, time and time again.

Maybe it's a text that goes unanswered for a few hours and suddenly you're someone you don't recognise. Maybe it's a relationship that's objectively good, but you can't stop wondering if you're settling, or self-sabotaging, or both. Maybe it's the sheer exhaustion of doing "the work" - therapy, books, podcasts, self-development, it’s never ending at this point - and still finding yourself back in the same spiral when it actually matters.

If any of that sounds familiar, you're exactly who I started this for.

Why "Minding My Mindset"

The name is a bit of a mouthful - you'll probably see me shorten it to MMM from here - but it means exactly what it says. This space is about minding your mindset in love: paying attention to it, getting curious about it, and gently working with it, rather than being a slave to it.

I didn't choose that name by accident. It's the thing I had to learn to do myself, long before I ever trained to help other people do it.

Why I started this

I want to be honest with you, because when you’re opening yourself up with some of your deepest, possibly darkest thoughts and feelings, I think that's the only way this works.

For a long time, I didn't have anything close to a secure relationship with love. I experienced periods of genuinely low self-esteem, insecurity, jealousy, and this huge consistent ache that comes from feeling like you're never quite enough - not good enough to be chosen, not good enough to trust your own instincts, not good enough to be loved, and definitely not good enough to be important or a priority to someone.

I know what it feels like to be betrayed too and to carry that into everything after it. I also know what it feels like to swing the other way entirely - to become fiercely independent, slightly hyper-independent if I'm honest, and convince myself I was better off not needing anyone at all… (and yes that may have been masked by high-standards 👀)

Neither version of me was particularly at peace, or happy.

It took years - proper years, maybe even dog years - to get to a place where I could be in a relationship without it feeling like a threat to my sense of self. To choose myself first, not as a rejection of love, but as the foundation that finally let me receive it without needing to control it.

I'm in a happy, healthy, genuinely secure relationship now. Not because I found the "right" person and everything magically settled - I’ve found healthy relationships have a way of testing us in so many ways too - but because I did the work of understanding why I reacted the way I did, and slowly built a different relationship with myself first.

That's the work I now get to do alongside other women, as a trainee therapist working within a Transactional Analysis framework, combined with coaching and, probably most usefully, the lived experience of having actually been in it.

What MMM is actually about

This isn't a space that's going to tell you that you don't need a relationship, or that you should be endlessly grateful for your own company, or that wanting love is somehow a flaw in your personal growth. I don't believe any of that, and I don't think you need to hear it either. You can have built an incredible, full life and still, genuinely, want someone to share it with. Both things are allowed to be true at once… (big advocate for duality)

What this space is about is helping you understand what's actually happening underneath the anxiety, the overthinking, the spiralling, the fear of not being chosen. Not so you can "fix" yourself - I will repeat this until I have no oxygen left in my body, you were never broken - but so you can stop feeling quite so at the mercy of your own reactions.

We'll talk about:

- Why capable, successful women can still feel completely undone by relationship uncertainty

- The difference between settling and self-sabotaging (and how to actually tell)

- Where these patterns come from, and why understanding them changes everything

- What it actually looks like to trust yourself in love, rather than needing constant certainty from someone else

- The deeper work underneath "just stop overthinking it" because, let's be honest, that was never going to be the answer

Who this is for

Women who already know love is important to them, who've probably already done a fair amount of personal development, and who are tired of understanding their patterns intellectually without feeling any different when it counts.

You don't need convincing that the inner work matters. You're already here… and I’m so grateful you’re looking to do this with my support.

Where to start

Have a browse and read whatever resonates first - there's no correct order. If something lands, sit with it for a bit before you decide what to do next. Honestly, that’s enough for now.

I'm genuinely so glad you're here, and if there’s anything you ever want me to touch on or discuss - let me know.

Sending love,

Tiffany xx